52 Thoughts I Had About Episode 5 of ‘The Shards’

As a lifelong fan of Ryan Murphy's distinctive television style, I've always harbored a dream of dissecting his shows for a living. This week, with Episode 5 of The Shards, titled "Murder on the Dancefloor," my aspirations felt remarkably close to reality. Co-written and directed by Murphy himself, this installment promised the kind of thrilling, over-the-top entertainment I've come to expect. Here's a running commentary of my thoughts as I watched.

1. I'm profoundly grateful to be watching this installment of The Shards through my AirPods at LAX rather than isolated in my apartment at night.
2. It's genuinely terrifying, folks!
3. "Disco? Dead." A poignant sentiment.
4. Was the term "fluidity" even in common parlance in the 1980s?
5. Perhaps not in relation to gender, but generally?
6. And for that matter, did the concept of "being in one's body" exist then?
7. Okay, Igby Rigby (or whatever unconventional name his parents bestowed upon him) is a surprisingly adept dancer!
8. I'm quite fond of the enduring "rhythmless straight guy" trope of "pocket dancing."
9. I find myself missing the iconic feathered hairstyles of the era.
10. Should we consider bringing them back?
11. "Pastels are where the '80s are headed." A bold fashion prediction.
12. Witnessing women working the Sears counter being likened to "pug dogs"...
13. Ah, the thrill of facing off in a dance competition against a competitor named Cha-Cha.
14. I adore the distinctive way Jordan Roth's character, Steven, pronounces "Pico."
15. Everything Susan and Debbie are wearing evokes the kind of attire I'd likely splurge on at a vintage boutique in a hypothetical 2026 Los Angeles.
16. As consistently observed, the song choices in this show are impeccable.
17. Ah, the studio lot scene.
18. Presumably, a cost-effective choice for filming.
19. A nod to pregnant Barbie (or rather, Midge) and her unfortunate erasure!
20. My word, the perm on Wes Bentley is quite something.
21. That was an exclamation of rueful observation, not one of admiration.
22. This entire scenario is strongly reminiscent of that Friends episode featuring Monica, Ross, and Joey on a televised New Year's Eve dance competition.
23. So much cocaine!
24. My generation certainly missed out on that particular aspect of the era.
25. "Hi, I'm Bret, I like Joan Didion and I want to be a writer." A common aspiration.
26. Indeed, many share that ambition.
27. I'm captivated by Susan's ambition to pursue a career "in the legal arts."
28. I deeply covet Susan's vibrant pink jumpsuit.
29. The periphery of Debbie's social circle appears to be the most secure position, perhaps?
30. A mention of Debra Winger!
31. Cha-Cha drama unfolds!
32. Liz's decision to vote against her own daughter in the dance-off is, dare I say, endearing.
33. And this is effectively counterbalanced by her disappointing husband's vote for Debbie!
34. Come to think of it, what's the current status of Ivy Wolk confined in that cage?
35. Will we receive any updates on her predicament?
36. I appreciate how Thom's pink cable-knit sweater perfectly complements the adjacent pink wall.
37. It's a well-known adage: dancing makes one gay.
38. Has anyone ever uttered the phrase "too cool for school" with genuine sincerity?
39. Oh dear, the killer... has been called into the dance contest?
40. With the intention of committing murder?
41. Live on the air?
42. AHHH!!!!
43. Homer and Kaia genuinely possess undeniable chemistry.
44. Thom, please calm yourself.
45. Debbie, eat the donut! Embrace the desires of your soft animal body!
46. My brief stint in TV production has irrevocably altered my perspective; now, when I see streamers cascading in a scene, my primary thought is of the crew members who will spend hours meticulously cleaning them up.
47. A Depeche Mode soundtrack for an outing – excellent choice.
48. OMG! It's Ivy!
49. I mean, Rhonda!
50. And she appears to be... not in the best condition.
51. The delivery of the line, "Did I miss the party?" is a masterclass in Wolkian expression.
52. Wishing you a swift recovery, diva.